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depressed. [09 Feb 2006|03:16pm]
[ mood | fuck you ]

im so depressed.
brett and i broke up
he broke up with me
i'm nothing without him
and i feel like this pain isn't going to end.. i feel it in the pit of my stmoach, its not going to ever friggin end. and i trusted him, he told me he would never leave me "i promise you id never leave you" and he did. he lied to me and killed my heart. i honestly feel numb. as cheesy as it sounds " ive become comfortably numb" and im just that.
not so comfortble. more lie "uncomfortably numb"
i need some pain medication, anyone got some

6 comments|post comment

this isn't fucking fair. [25 Oct 2005|03:32pm]
my father. woman living in my house..
uhh i dont even know her. she now has my old room with my fathers computer.
what the FUCK.
yea. not cool.
1 comment|post comment

[01 Oct 2005|12:22pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

its 12:19, me and brett promised eachother we would at least sleep in until the PM.. nope. i woke up at 10:30 and went text message crazy while bretts arm was still locked around my chest so i couldn't really move all too much, but th econstant beeps kept waking him up.


yeah.. bummer...

funds are hella tight so it doesnt look like i'll be getting one anytime soon. rediculious. but ohhh well. Me and brett are going to look for jobs this week tooooo. i need a 2nd job at least. i fuckin need to bring in some chedda. speaking of chedda my hot pocket should be done.
About to drive to hannaford to get myself a 2 liter! with "vampire red" manic panic still sitting in my hair. yup!


anyway today is... pa pa pa PENNYWISE NIGGA! yeah you heard me say it. PENNYWISE NIGGA!Image hosted by Photobucket.com
flashin the symbol bitch
one of my favorite bands so im FUCKING PUMPED!
its in a crazy place called "saratoga winners" its about 2hrs away. boooooo.
that means there better be a blunt for the ride up. or i'll be one sad panda.

anyway im out of this bitch. let me eat my hot pocket and go to hannaford looking like a mess.
tea tea why el bitches

2 comments|post comment

[29 Sep 2005|02:03pm]
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

that is all..
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looks like get wasted time! [22 Sep 2005|04:03pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

i love having a car . i gotta be honest with you, its the best thing EVER. id go crazy without it.

hanging out with tre today. i'm excited about that strictly because i know we will become closer friends once again doing this, and this weekend is going to be incrediable. i just know it.

speaking of tre i miss georgia. i miss georgia and tre being friends they were l337. speaking of georgia, shes close again. my love.!!

this weekend is going to be full of old times, its gonna have old times written all over it. YAY!
i was going to go to TSX today in kingston but i didn't. i gotta go get gas and hang out with brett for a little bit before we head off to newburgh.
love you all.

2 comments|post comment

[21 Sep 2005|10:27pm]
[ mood | high ]

i deleted my myspace. well, in the process of.. how does one delete a myspace? hmmm. lol. but livejournal here i am again. og lj.
man oh man

im fuckin stoned.
bought a new bong for my birthday.. yesss its nice.. purple.. black spirals around the neck of it.. marble kind of. wanna smoke? give someone a call nigga!

and the family guy movie is on right now which can only mean one thing.
hope the munchies are ready. perogies are being made as we speak. excellentttttt!

i read a slug interview today which was pretty cool. i enjoyed it a lot
new atmosphere is real good, so far so good anyway. didn't quite hear the whole album yet.

bought new pj's today! and pennywise h2o ticketssss bitchess!!!! mwah hahahaha

brett bought new pjs too. oh and i got my ear pierced in the mall, haha.i haven't gotten my ears peirced by someone in over 9 years! all of my holes have been done by me but i gave in and had someone do it.. maybe a litter straighter this time. not quite even but i guess it will work? right?

fuck im hungry. hurry up perogies

im out,



the new bong we got yesterday had to be blessed, so we did just that.
we smoked, i realized i didn't have cigarettes so i figured i just leave the crew here and brett and ic an run and get cigarettes. we did just that. now im stoneeed and we are driving down the street, all of a sudden in the dark sky ( its like 8:30) i see a red fucking balloon ( or what i thought it was) im like " WHAT THE FUCK" and im driving away from it so i can only look in my rearview mirror and i realized it was the moon.
it was huge, red and amazing.....holy shit i sat and looked at it once we parked for a good 10 minutes.. it was HUGEEEEEE if it was in the sky it looked like a good foot.. ( if that makes sense)

ok im out for real

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[08 Sep 2005|02:47pm]
[ mood | content ]

go to


type in " failure"
and press im feeling lucky

ha.. at least this hurricane opened up a lot of peoples eyes.. it had to happen sooner or later :\

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i have no clothes on [19 Aug 2005|11:25am]
10 things you do during the day that make you happy

1. hanging out with the llamas... twenty llamas 4 life naaayga

2. starting my car, knowing the day just started

3. eyeshadow is definetely a must lol

4. taking a bong rip

5. listening to 311
7. doing my bright blue nail polish

8. watching episodes of weeds

9. looking at slug pictures. fucking goregous

10. laying in bed next to brett knowing i'll wake up beside him tomorrow :o)

i tag, any of you that havent been tagged
1 comment|post comment

i hate my period. [29 Jul 2005|11:21am]
[ mood | sore ]

woke up this morning, i hate having my period.
yes, i woke up becuase it decided to happen while i was half asleep.. and half awake.

at bretts house. got into an argument yesterday which i think made his mother not like me again. hopefully she doesn't see me as the devil anymore but who knows. people never understand its human nature to fight, so fuck off?

my whole body is killing me.. i guess i slept wrong.

gathering 2005 was the best.. i didn't even take pics because i was having that much fun.

more to write later. until then.. take care kiddies!

4 comments|post comment

oh man once a fucking gain. [08 Jul 2005|09:09am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

well here i am sitting in bretts house at 12:10. why??! because i have no where to live once again. once again theres homeless heather. now, i always thought it was weird when i got kicked out when i was younger, i thought it was a part of " growing up" or whatever, but when you start losing 10 pounds in 2 weeks because of an empty refrigorater and no help from parents, you start to worry. altho the 10lbs ive lost is excellent. just very unhealthy. on top of that i got a horrible chest cold, ive been coughing up flem for the past 4 days. my job thinks im dead, i haven't talked to them in over 4 days...

me and brett faught on fourth of july. hard. cops were called. by the nosey neighbors. fucking rediculious. i love that kid, we just have a very very loud fight when we do. lol.
that dickhead.

i want to get married. now.

my friend is in a horrible situation... this kid mark likes my boys girl.. its pretty crazy. and i think the girl melissa likes mark as well. tough. what does one do?

( and no thats not me trying to cover it up, fuck no i dont like any other dudes, i ihate guys.. i love womennnn!!!!!) jk. jason mewes refrence.

anyway mindless self indulgence once again tomorrow. effing excellent. although i hate stupid msi fans.. kids 17-under shouldn't be admitted. not fair.

alright i'm out of here, i smell nothing but reefer and only have about a bowl left to smoke, but thats all we have,.. i can't smoke without the brettster can i? helllll no.

my internet sucks because we downloaded an emulater and now i have tons and tons of games!!!

zombies ate my neighbors!!
monster party!!!!! ahhh!!!!

i fucking love the internet. but no pictures are showing up on live journal, not even my "mood" icon is showing up for gloomy.

im out of here kids.

1 comment|post comment

[28 Jun 2005|11:59pm]
misplaced agression

Long story short, im at Bretts house.. cleaned the kitchen , father comes in we chat, he ( which im starting to believe hes bipolar) flipped on me, threatened me, i called the cops, he threw me out. my mother came home and got in the middle of it. left, went back later.. police brought her to get her stuff .. .. and he just IMed me.. i felt bad.
i ihave no home. i feel horrible now..

i dont want to live at my aunts house.
time to hang out with my love, my best friend, my life.
hes everything to me and my fucking god, u know the person your supossed to be with for the rest of our life .. if they are there for you when your at your worst, and they are there for you EVERY second that you need them without regret, thats when you know they are the one.. my god i fucking love him.


845 7284367

new cell
1 comment|post comment

[22 Jun 2005|10:54am]
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[21 Jun 2005|04:21pm]

i love you!Collapse )

2 comments|post comment

Got my gathering tickets [18 Jun 2005|11:51am]
[ mood | geeky ]

See you there! :o)

haha... once again. non stop party. heather gets on camrea making out with a chick while abk films it. gross... man that was a thing i regreted. honestly thought i might have been on road fools. thank you jihad im not.

just left a couple livejournal communities. they are lame. i figured i'll just stay off band communities for awhile. i still got my anticon community, and other communities.

i tend to not go to my favorite band communities ( besides 311 because all their fans are fucking amazing) just because kids ride nuts, and it pisses me off. and they try to act better then everyone. its expected though. bwah haha.

K N00BZ!

im out of here. PARTY AT ADAMS TONIGHT BABY! woooooooo.

talk to u later!

1 comment|post comment

can you say brainwashing? [15 Jun 2005|02:20pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I feel bad for some of the people in this country who still support the idiot we have in office. oh well.. lets see. I'm one political person.

Wanna talk politics? lets talk politics...
  lets see whats going on inside this punks brain.

Bush.  ahhh yes. the president of the united states of america. This is him serving his second term in office.

ok, we are going thru a war. no president that is in office during a war stays president for those 2 terms, without assination or impeachment. Its the truth. its happened ever since presidents were in office. Considering most of this country has their head on their shoulders, im sure they would want one or the other.

The government, ( or any higher power) always wants to make the lower power not worried, or just not aware of what is REALLY going on. CNN is using filters for this shit. for example..

its so funny, how much this michael jackson case exploded, even on every fucking news station, wheres the footage of whats happening in iraq? wheres the soliders? why are we still fighting? i want answers mother fucker and shit, im not fucking getting ANY.

 " you and me will all go down in history with a , sad statue of liberty, and a generation that didn't agree " - system of a down

Back to my main point, this scott peterson case was much more important then what the presidents next plan was to stop the war. , Micahel jackson case, every other thing that whasnt important is being showed up,. to brain wash, to make you think things are ok when they aren't at all... 200,000,000 down the drain for the drug war. .. im sure our president was a little too concerned about killing people over something that has been over for some time now, instead of feeding a poor child on the streets, fix up communities...

 i found out awhile ago that there is definetely a cure for cancer and aids.. completely wash it free of your system. and i read it in the paper awhile ago as well. why can't everyone just be cure of aids? why can't we give them free medication

but honestly, its known ... its just whats making the most money in the country right now, is medication and pills..

this lady down the road had cancer, and she would have been fine if she took these pills every week. oh guess what. it was 1,000 a week for these pills. now when your sick and have cancer like that, you dont have the time to get out of bed and go to work. . or pay 1,000 dollars to live. your saying this country is free but some have to pay to live? oh my god...

cigarettes? they are so bad, why aren't they illegal? why are they sold still?
are you KIDDING ME?! the president has the power to kill people, but can't stop the sell of cigarettes?

the fuck out of here.

im getting too pissed im about to punch the computer screen, my jaw is clenched, im furious.

fuck all of you who dont agree. and people who dont agree your all brainwashed.


this journal entry kind of makes no sense, its pretty jumpy...  its ok though,. fuck you




OH man. going against a vietnam vet on political views is hillarious. i made him open his eyes. trusssst

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oh man El-P is in my head so bad.... oxycotin [15 Jun 2005|10:23am]
hello! back in newburgh, better then ever. NOT! mom is leaving soon. im kind of looking forward to it though. shes not even paying attention to me., just hanging out in her room on the computer because shes an addict. its ok, i was once an addict too, but i never ever ignored my kids ( i don thave any) but u know, the week before your about to start your new life, end your old one on a good note with your family at least. she avoids me. she was my best friend, she changed. shes a robot., shes getting completely brain washed. shes starting to talk to dudes on yahoo thats gross...
Anyway, today is thursday, Brett found out yesterday that he has off tomorrow, friday, saturday, sunday, monday. thats incrediable!!! So hes going to come over here later today and hes going to hang out. I miss him..
Tomorrow is my road test, i hope i do slightly ok... better then last time. i'm actually comfortable with how my car drives and everything so i should be ok. please wish me luck. tomorrow could possibly be my big break..

Remind me i have to transfer my El-P cd to a tape form so i can listen to it in the car. Yessss.

What else is new.. let me see.
My new room owns, its half the size of my other one downstairs, but its like a dolls room. my bed rules, its only a single.. which makes sleeping very uncomfortable for me and brett. its not too good.

today is going pretty crappy, ive been looking forward to my mom being at work so i could get on the computer all day, but any second now shes going to ask me to get on. ahhhh get off my noots. and teh computers..

alright im out of here, this phone is beeping in my lapbecause the battery is almost dead and its starting to iritate me.
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4 is the strongest number of the universe. [10 Jun 2005|10:32am]
[ mood | exanimate ]

im a starchild..

i totally believe im from another planet. i aint no chump..

living back in newburgh.

MSI was awesome, the crew, and carol hung out for a bit. it rocked.


* he just sung... " if i was king.. of the foreeessssst"

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[06 Jun 2005|08:29pm]
man, bretts mom hasn't said anything to me when i saw her twice. yesterday she pased by to me really quickly so i figured she was just in a hurry but i went up and said hi to her today and she completely ignored me.

wow, did my feelings just get hurt.
time to smoke a cig. i was soo trying to quit
2 comments|post comment

[06 Jun 2005|05:37pm]
[ mood | i hate jose ]

i love twiztid. me and mono fell in love yesterday. made massive amounts of eye contact. and i know the love is there. blaze and madrox were crankier then usual. i didn't pay it no mind. it was the 3rd fuckin day of this damn comic book convention so they were bored as all hell. plus it was like 90 degrees yesterday in philly. it was crazy. poor madrox and blaze. fat people tend to be cranky on hot days.... i love those two more then own two hands. whatever that means.

anyway imi out of here. i'm pissed because jose is in the other room. i hate when i leave a fucking quarter of pot sitting out for everyones eyes when i thought i was the only fucking one here. im so afraid he took some. i had the bong packed and everthing for brett when he got home.

fuckin douche. i trust that kid with nothing i hate when he randomally walks in.

mindless self indulgence wednesday! i get to see rudie! that should be fun. me and brett are gonna have a bomb ass time. with our llamas.
adam and frank. WOOT!


Should be going home to newburgh tomorrow at some point, and tonight will be the first time in awhile i haven't slept next to brett. its going to break my FUCKING HEART.

*Im seriously about to cry now*

2 comments|post comment

[03 Jun 2005|01:51am]
[ mood | About to dream of Brett. :o) ]

its 1:51. got mindless tickets today. yay!.. loking at my sweetie right now and im about to crawl in bed with him. i dont know if justins coming to the comic con. i want to be 110 lbs so i can be sexy... my xxxxxxxxxxx button keeps sticking.. hahaha. as u can tell. Anyway im off to bed. i got myself a cool little JEM icon. i found out Rob zzzombie is going to be at the chance. so im effing pumped. I'm also pumped to hopefully see my friend Derek tomorrow. that would be great! i miss that kid. i have a feeling brett and derk would get along perfectly..

i dont wanna stay home again tomorrow , i want my car already so i can at least do something.. that would be good. seriously.
Alrighttttttt i'm going to go.

goodnight sexies.

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